2024 – The year of serving the women of Re-fined and writing my book, Dying to Belong
When I first heard about Re-fined, it had only been seven months since I walked away from a high-control Christian organization. I was still wobbly spiritually and discovering what freedom in Christ felt like.
On a Wednesday evening prayer night at Lifegate church, Jessi Burg spoke about volunteering for Re-fined. For seven months before this fateful evening, I had been praying to volunteer for a non-profit and knew God would eventually reveal which one I should join. Jessi quoted heartbreaking statistics of those affected by exploitation, of which I had been entirely uninformed. She said one statement that awakened the compassionate warrior in my soul, “Sometimes we have to do hard things.” Jessi’s speech sealed the deal that Re-fined was my choice, and I signed up that night. I knew I would feel a kindred spirit with the women they served who were fighting for their autonomy and freedom from their abusers.
After completing the interview process, I was accepted and became a volunteer. I attended several of the volunteer training sessions and, within four months, became a faithful friend to a woman living in one of the recovery homes served by Re-fined. Our beautiful time together lasted nine months until she left the program. While waiting for another faithful friend, I consistently participated in the gap nights in the Re-fined partnering homes. Showing up for these women enhanced my life—I understood how important it was for them to be seen, heard, and loved.
This past year, while I continued participating in gap nights, Refined volunteer training, and the fabulous Great Banquet, a red-carpet event for the Re-fined women in our partnering homes, I started working with a book coach to write my book, Dying to Belong.
I sought to answer the question in my book: “Why was I so willing to lose myself to belong? Why do any of us lose our voice, give up our intuition, and hand over our freedom in Christ for acceptance by a group? After hundreds of hours of research about cults and high-control groups, I was able to write a book about my personal experience with indoctrination, codependency, love bombing, and the role of my childhood trauma in my susceptibility to join a high-control group.
I started to see a clear connection as to why God led me to Re-fined and the writing of my book. I had lost my identity to belong to a group that stripped me of my freedom in Christ. The women whom Re-fined serves also have had their identity stolen, and they need to know who God says they truly are—not who their abusers say they are.
After diligently working every week since January 9, 2024, my book Dying to Belong was published on Amazon on November 7, 2024. God had healed my wounded soul through my volunteering experience with Re-Fined and the writing of my book.
The women in the Re-fined partnering homes are beautiful and brave. They are in an environment where they can reclaim their God-given identity. I relate to them because I also needed that reclamation to occur in my life. And it has—I stand hand in hand and heart to heart with the women of Re-fined.
If you are interested in my book, here is the link to my page on Amazon.
